Romans 1:17

17For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

You may be religous but I'm not. You might be vigil about the Sabbath for all I care. And for starters, I dont even know what the Sabbath is. So I can say anything I want to the Lord and you can't do anything about it. Call it blasphemy, whatever. There is still something called freedom of speech. I am not bowing down to your god just because the priest said so. I might have been born as a Catholic, raised as a Catholic but was never a Catholic.

Even though I scorn your god and sound like a crazed atheist. I still believe that somehow, there exists out there some supreme being. Some god different from the one we're worshipping almost slavishly.

One day, I'm going to convert into Protestantism. After all, I've always admired the ideas of Martin Luther.  

MY LIFE IS BUT A PATHETIC ENDEAVOR TO SURVIVE

I�ve been rummaging through my old stuff a while ago and I�ve come across to a lot of my old notebooks. And interestingly enough, I found that line jotted on one of my notebooks. At first, I was not even sure if I wrote it. It felt rather out of character, but suddenly I was thrust back to the memories of past and I remembered exactly why I wrote it. I was in one of those moods where I felt gloomy, negative and miserable. But I was astonished to see how much I�ve grown since I last wrote that line. I was just speechless while I recalled everything that had helped shape who I am now. You can say I was rather bemused to see the new me. I mean who wouldn�t? It kinda felt weird. It was like staring at my own self in the mirror. And for a moment I felt rather unsure of myself.

That�s when I remembered Arthur.

Once in our life, something will happen that will have a huge impact on our life. In my case, someone named Arthur just changed my whole life. He was the one who opened my eyes to a lot of things. He changed my whole perspective. He gave me goals to achieve and a reason to live. Before he came, I felt unhappy, miserable and discontented. I lacked the will and the confidence to live. I regarded myself lowly and thus I lived in my own self pity. And when he came, he made me confront the problems I�ve been trying to run away from. Basically, if it weren�t for him, I�d still be wallowing in my own self pity right now.

Everything that he said is right, and not only for me but for everyone out there.

In life, there will always be assholes and morons who will try to bring you down. There will always be people who will be rooting for you to fail and people who will always aim to annoy you. And in the process, you might fall down and get hurt. But its part of the cycle of life, we get bruised, stand up and move on like nothing ever happened. It is probably too much of a cliché, but the lesson it imparts is valuable. You see, Arthur taught me to take chances and I cannot play it safe forever. No one can play it safe forever. Because no matter how much you think you�re safe, you�re just not. It was the one thing I was running away from. I refused to take risks because I was afraid of getting hurt. And Arthur made sure I wouldn�t run away. He made me understand that it is OK to trust other people. That is why you have to take chances because that is what life is all about. You cannot be sure that you�ll never fall down and get bruised on the knee. Life is all about taking risks� because without them� what is life then?

You know� like what I�ve always said to myself�

Embrace the unpredictability of Life

 "Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him."

 Delve into me my sweet little prince. Hold me into a tight embrace so I may not fall. Reach beyond the bitterness and indifference. And hold on to me. Reach out to me and save me from the loneliness and sadness that engulfs me.

You make me mad when I look into those eyes. Those soft and caring eyes. Now, look into my eyes and see the misery that is taking hold of me. Look into the isolation which I manifest myself into. Look past the walls I've built around me. Look!... But why do you not look at me while I so boldy stare at you with such curiosity and hunger. Yes, hunger. Hunger for those tight embraces, for those ravenous kisses and the strong arms that would finally save me from falling.

Oh, my sweet prince. Do you pity me so? Do you see the emptiness that haunts me? Do you feel the poignant agonies that flows through me? Does that repel you somehow? Is that why you look away so quickly when you see me walking towards you? Our glances meeting ever so quickly when opportunity opens itself. And yes, how mischievous  fate is as to cross our paths several times in half an hour.

Oh when our eyes first connected. What was it? I honestly don't know. I kept glancing at you keeping myself in check while you helped the old lady. It was amusing to see you. Your deep husky voice feeling my ears like music and your eyes was intoxicating. I couldn't look away. And when you passed by me, your scent filling the air around me. I felt hypnotized. You glanced back at me before going away, sending me your little smile and I gave you mine. There were no words needed between us. Our eyes feasted upon each other as if that was finally enough.

But cruel and bitter. That is fate. For I have to leave and probably I will never ever see you again. How miserable I became as I watched you from a distance, trying to act indifferent when in fact you can't keep yourself from taking a glance. You are so good at trying to be indifferent that it wounds me so. Why have you been so cruel to me before I left? You looked away as if never knewing the extent of pain you have given me. I tried to look for you, to find you. To see you one more time before I go. But you never offered me anything the last time I saw you. Not even a glance or a slight smile as if to acknowledge I existed. Maybe you had another love. But how could I know? We never spoke. I never knew what ran through that mind of yours. And it was painful and I was miserable. You never cared, that was the most painful blow of it all. All wounded and scarred I will finally leave.

My sweet, sweet prince. I pray to God that we might meet again. To meet in some unexpected and beautifu way. To see you one more time, it would mean everything to me. But until then, your memory will be etched in my mind for the rest of it all.  

Farewell for now, my sweet prince.

Unfortunately even with the madness going around, there is a part three. I thought I'd like to share with everyone what I've been reading in the web. I got it from here If you want to check it out. Anyway, here it is.

Infatuation is instant desire, like one set of glands calling to another.
Love is friendship that had caught fire. It takes root and grow's, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. you are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would as soon as examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away. Miles do not seperate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing them."
Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy.
Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship, which makes sex so much sweeter. you must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. when they' re away, you wonder if they're cheating. sometimes, you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. They feel your trust, and it makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.
Love is upper. It makes you feel whole. It completes the circle. It fills the empty space in your heart. love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don't have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning.